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July 23, 2010 / fruitloopmum

Whats in your genes?

I have to say, I was shocked.

Bemused and embarrassed came close, but shocked was a more apt description of my feelings when I realised that my mum had lived a secret life.

She’d managed to keep a lid on the whole thing until I was about 35. There was I thinking that my mum, that sweet, quiet, gentle woman who had raised my brother and I, was just an average, much-loved, run-of-the-mill, mum and grandma. You know, the type you see portrayed in nice family TV shows. But, oooh no….One fateful night I discovered that beneath that quiet, unassuming exterior was a sexy, sassy, fun-loving, hell-raising, bloody maverick! So forget Carol Brady in the Brady Bunch and think Patsy from Ab Fab…..

Actually, in retrospect I should have realised that something didn’t quite add up. As a child I remember being sent home from school to change because my outfit was distracting the class. It was about 1969 and mum had made me a dress with little hippy bells on. Then there was the case of the black PVC hotpants….yeah, let’s not go there. Oh, and of course those friends of hers. As a child, you tend not to evaluate or judge adults too much but thinking back now ‘eclectic and left-of-centre’ would be a bit of an understatement!

So back to the fateful night of the revelation…….

After 30 years I met up with a childhood friend who had lived next-door to us in the 70’s. We picked up where we had left off and even settled an old argument about those coveted Chopper Bikes. Anyway, we decided that it would be a fantastic idea to get our mums together too as they had been quite good mates back then. Wrong! Wrong! Wrong!

What subsequently followed was an evening of hilarious reminiscing in such intimate detail between two 60 year olds, that the conversation on adjacent tables stopped so that they could enjoy the entertainment. My friend and I were appalled. Highly entertained, but appalled by our mother’s revelations. Their stories featured police raids, parties, joints, unsavoury characters, hair-raising antics, and as for the sex…..Well, I mean, you just don’t like to think of your mum having a sex life at all do you? Let alone a better one than you’ve had! We decided to frog-march the pair outside when as a finale, they began discussing oral sex. Enough was enough.

So, what am I saying here?

Well, I guess my point is this: Until the age of 35 I thought that I was the only sexy, sassy, fun-loving, hell-raising fruitloop in the family…. Funny that.

Post Script – provided by my brother via Facebook last night.

“Sis, mum just drove us back to the airport. On the way I asked about the old friend of hers that she’d taken the kids (my niece and nephew) to visit in Soho yesterday. Mum said “Yes, he played the piano for them, but I think he only smokes the occasional joint now, and of course he is gay!!” I just sat in the back of the car in stunned silence….and you wonder where you get it from?”

PPS. For those who have done the math….my mum is into her seventies!


One Comment

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  1. StraightLacedMum / Jul 27 2010 1:27 am

    Ha ha I LOVE this story. You have me wondering about my own Mum now… I don’t think I want to know… You are so right when you say… “you just don’t like to think of your mum having a sex life at all do you? Let alone a better one than you’ve had!”. Thanks for brightening my day!

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