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July 27, 2010 / fruitloopmum

Did her ‘chicken fillets’ give an unfair advantage?

Now, this is the BIG question. Maybe it was the chicken fillets that swung the judge, or maybe he just appreciated the entertainment value……

It was the day of the school fete and blisteringly hot. Now, ours is a small community and the school fete is a very big deal. This year, some creatively inspired parent had come up with the concept of including a dog show to be judged by the local vet.

We have a dog. My friend has a dog. Our respective kids wanted to enter their dogs in the dog show. So, under pressure from my children I looked at the entry form. Obedience was definitely out for our dog – not a hope in hell. So, we went for ‘the dog that looks most like it’s owner’ section. My friend smugly entered her dog in the obedience section.

Picture this: We arrive in sweltering heat with unruly, excited kids and dogs in tow. The arena is marked out in straw bales and is half the size of a bloody football pitch. Spectators and participants are close to 3-4 deep around. Geez – the whole village and their relatives had turned up. Intimidating huh?

First up is the obedience section with an unending stream of entrants. Finally it’s my friend’s turn and she confidently strides into the centre of the arena in her sexy tight jeans and skimpy top with her dog at her side. She announces her name to the guy with the microphone and gives a brief description of what her dog is going to do….

Getting her dog to sit and stay, she walks some 15 paces away from it. This time I notice that her stride is not quite so confident. My friend actually looks unusually nervous. Fortunately, the dog plays ball and does exactly as its told. She then calls it to her. Just at that point, I suss that something is up.

She bends towards the dog to pat and reward it and I can see something suspicious in her hand. Jammy cow, what is she giving that dog as a treat? I wonder…….

The pair successfully complete one more obedience trick. My friend then turns and literally ‘minces’ back towards me and the kids looking hot and flustered.

“F***!” she whispers into my ear

“What’s up? I’ve never seen you so nervous!”

“Bloody ‘chicken fillet’ fell out of the bottom of my top…..didn’t you notice?”

“Whaaaat??” I  can’t contain myself. Several people turn to see the source of the explosive laughter that has just emanated from me.”Did you feed it to the dog??”

“No, but the bugger was trying to snatch it from me, and I’m so hot and sweaty that the other one slipped off too” she says, fishing it from her top out and quickly stuffing the offending article into her handbag.

By this time, tears were streaming down my cheeks and we had the attention of not only the twenty or so people in our immediate vicinity but the judge as well who shot us a quizzical look and made notes on his judging sheet. Oh shit. No chance of winning anything I concluded as, still laughing uncontrollably, we hauled the kids and dogs off for a well-deserved ice cream.

Later that morning my friend picked up a $100 veterinary voucher, and we picked up a packet of dog biscuits for having the cutest dog.

I suspect that village tongues are still wagging over our unseemly, and very juvenile behaviour that morning and I’m bloody sure that as of that episode, the whole community consider us completely mad.

Which leads me on to my close…..Thank god then that earlier this week there was just a single confused and bemused spectator in  the continuing saga of my lovely friend and her dog. She took the stinky beast down to the ‘doggy wash’ place after she realised that spraying it with her Fendi perfume simply made the beast smell worse, and inadvertently tried to vacuum her dog in the car-wash section instead of blow-dry in the dog section – I jest not!


One Comment

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  1. DC / Jul 29 2010 8:45 am

    Who is this amazing person…sounds utterly stupendous 🙂


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