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September 13, 2010 / fruitloopmum

To all you Born Again Virgins..

An interesting question was posed by a fruitloopmum fan last week, and now I’m seriously beginning to consider writing a loopy advice column. I’ve led an interesting and varied life and made so many mistakes that I reckon I’m the perfect person to advise people on what NOT to do.

Anyway, back to the question in hand which was posted after I’d written ‘Divorce can be Wonderful’ Which, by the way, I’m over qualified to comment upon, this latest being my second divorce. BUT, THE FIRST TWO HUSBANDS WERE JUST PRACTICE… OK?!

So, in a comment to this last post, a fruitloopmum fan called ‘Starfish’ who I think has recently separated/divorced, wants to know if , in my humble opinion, she can be considered to be “re-virginised” after only having sex about four times in seven years.

HELL, YES SWEETIE! ….and that’s a really good thing, read on.

You see, I’ve been secretly joking for years that by the time a woman has gone without sex for a few years or more, she shouldn’t be considered frigid or past it. Au contraire! It’s probably healed over ‘down there’ and she should be considered a ‘Born Again Virgin’ and, boy are these BAV women dangerous.

Firstly, there’s all that pent-up sexual energy just waiting to be released. Then there’s the fact that these women have probably been in a miserable relationship (cos they’ve not been getting any for starters, as well as dealing with loads of other shit) and are just bursting at the seams to have someone show them some loving, physical attention. Add to this that women who find themselves in this situation and single again, are generally in the age bracket where they’re considered to be in their sexual prime and BINGO they’re suddenly, footloose, fancy-free and hot stuff!

Also, Starfish  – and here’s the icing on the cake – you’ve reached this wonderful status of the BAV in an era where it’s far more socially acceptable to go find yourself a younger man! So stuff the old bugger that you were with  and go for a younger version. I was amazed and stunned when I became single again and got continually propositioned by outrageously young men. First I thought that it was all a joke, but seriously the number of young men wanting to hook up with older women is unbelievable.

Actually, a discussion with someone whom I had reprimanded sternly after they’d shocked me with a hot (and unprintable) proposition, made it all very clear. I asked what the hell it was with these young guys who pursued older women. Where they perverts or something? “Well” came the reply, “If you can get yourself a cougar, then you’re the man cos it’s like a badge of honour, a real education…..you know what I mean?”

I told him to bog-off cos I knew his mother. Which of course I didn’t, but he was so young that I might have. Now Starfish, I’m not suggesting that you go off and become Mrs Robinson or give out ‘cougar badges’ or anything, but hell woman, you could go for something just a snip younger than your last model and do your self-esteem the power of good.

Take it from me, there is nothing quite so good than to be told by some handsome hunk of a younger man that they find you sexy and beautiful. So, rejoice in your Born Again Virgin status and think of it a the re-birth of not only the rest of your life but your sex-life too. Get out there and shine like a star Starfish cos the sky’s the limit and you’re rocket fuel baby!

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3 Comments

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  1. Busy mum / Sep 13 2010 1:29 pm

    God, i think fruitloop mum is smoking that spliff again, giving the advice of being rocket fuel! Crap, let’s just hope Starfish doesn’t try to come over all sexy one day with a lit ciggie and blow herself up (yep, kinda been there and done that one!!!)

  2. deez nutz / Sep 14 2010 8:38 am

    I know a male who went a lot longer than 3-4 years without having sex, actually it was 10 years lol.

  3. fruitloopmum / Sep 15 2010 9:50 am

    Hey Tony is that you?? I’m not sure what happens to men in the same circumstances. I suspect that after a few years it may just shrivel up. Yep, thats it! THATS WHY MEN ARE ALWAYS SCRATCHING AROUND DOWN THERE…..they’re trying to locate it!

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