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October 22, 2010 / fruitloopmum

Hey Grandma!

I’m sitting in the slow lane looking in my rear-view mirror and waiting to pull into the fast lane…..

Suddenly a bright yellow Mini-moke with top down screams past me, cuts in front, then slams it’s breaks on! WTF? I break hard, my dog hits his head on the dog grill and my groceries spill everywhere!

Then I start laughing.

The driver of the offending Mini-moke is a little white-haired old lady of at least 70. ….aren’t they supposed to cause accidents by driving too slowly?

I suppose I suddenly had a flash-forward moment cos I have to admit, part of me wants to be that kind of kick-ass grandma when I grow up.

I’m determined to be the most awesome, eccentric, embarrassing granny that ever was. I shall insist that my grandchildren take me to music festivals with their mates where I shall get smashed and dance my aged socks off. I shall insist that they accompany me on bike rides (of the Harley Davidson variety) to the park. I shall learn to belly dance in order to provide entertainment at family gatherings. Can you imagine the fun at weddings and funerals?

And if I’m too old and infirm to lead such an active granny-hood? No problem. Stick me in a care home where I can cause a scandal by having all-night raves in my room like I used to at uni (only much better, cos uni dorms don’t have resident nurses dispensing hard drugs!)

Dear future grandchildren, I shall grow younger and more juvenile as you grow up. I shall smile mischievously when my children shake their heads and look on disapprovingly as I show you how to skateboard and stand on your head. This will be my final joy and retribution for the antics of your parents.

Oh, and when the time comes for me to shuffle off and meet my maker, I want a memorial service where everyone wears their most outrageously colourful outfits, are forced to dance energetically to Janet Jackson’s ‘Together Again’ and all the grandkids are allowed to set off the biggest fireworks ever!

Meanwhile, I’m looking out for that old lady in the Mini-moke to teach me how to drive like Jensen Button!



Leave a Comment
  1. nikki / Oct 23 2010 3:18 am

    Its a good one & how I intend to be !

  2. DC / Nov 15 2010 9:23 pm

    oh and yes you will be a groovin granny ..don’t forget your sidekick!!!

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