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November 15, 2010 / fruitloopmum

Show Stoppers

We”ve all been there at some point, haven’t we?

I’m talking pre-schoolers demanding your attention whilst you’re trying to do something REALLY important. Child-rearing manuals give crappy advice on this one….’Politely, indicate to your child that you are busy, and that you will attend to their needs as soon as you have finished’ Yeah, right. They obviously haven’t factored in the intelligent kids (which let’s face it, most of our darlings are, including my little mad one)

SCENARIO: Fruitloopmum has taken her ticket, very patiently waited for her number to be called, and is finally (after 30 mins) standing in front of the  little window in the Road Traffic Authority office. This is my third f***ing visit to these buggers to try to get the psycho’s name off the registration document for my car.

RTA Drone: “I’m sorry, you’ll need your marriage certificate as well”

Fruitloopmum through gritted teeth: “But there’s a divorce certificate here! I came in earlier this week and was given a whole list of documentation from your colleague. The marriage certificate wasn’t one of them!”

Mad Child number 4: “Mummy, mummy I want a pink crayon not this blue one”

RTA Drone: ‘I’m sorry madame, we need proof that you were married to this individual prior to your divorce…”

Mad Child number 4: ‘Mummy, mummy I want the PINK crayon”

Fruitloopmum beginning to lose the plot: “You’re joking right?”

“I’ll find you the pink crayon in a moment sweetheart, now just give me a moment PLEASE”

RTA Drone “No, madam. We cannot process this without your original marriage certificate”

Mad Child (who is now whining like a jet engine):  “MUMMY! I want a PINK crayon!”

Fruitloopmum (trying not to raise my voice): “This is ridiculous, it doesn’t make any sense. The divorce certificate wouldn’t be issued unless I was married to the man! This is my third visit to your offices. Please can’t you…..”

At this point I felt a strange, cool, breeze on the back of my legs and backside……

Mad child, in a final attempt to get my attention had come up with the most creative show stopping tactic. She had lifted the back of my maxi dress up to my waist and was exposing my lacy g-string and arse to the forty or so people patiently waiting for their numbers to be flashed on the screen above my head. Only now they were looking at a different type of flashing!

I didn’t hang around to continue my discussion with the drone. With a strangled “We’re leaving!” I covered my arse, grabbed the mad one’s hand, grabbed my paperwork and made a very hasty exit. It was only once we got outside that I realised that all the counters in the RTA are covered by cctv, and even those who weren’t lucky enough to have had a direct line of vision to my backside would have been able to view it on the TV screens. OH THE SHAME OF IT.

Parents be warned! A recent discussion with other mothers has revealed similar show stopping tactics employed by their offspring. One mum had her three-year-old swing on her maternity knickers whilst at the counter of the local bank. Bless her. She continued to talk to the teller whist hoisting them back up from her knees, and trying to bat her son away with her free hand.

 

...you have been warned!

Another mum recounted the incident of her pre-schooler pulling on the waist-string of her harem pants whilst in the DIY store. They floated effortlessly to her ankles.Thanking god for the fact that the particular aisle she was in was empty, she swiftly bent down and pulled them up again. Only thing was that this particular mum likes to go commando! The store also had cctv.

 

So all you mums (and even dads cos you’re not immune either) when ignoring the pleas of pre-schooler in a public place, never underestimate their ability to employ guerilla tactics! Oh and always wear clean undies.

 

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2 Comments

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  1. Starfish / Nov 15 2010 1:02 pm

    Hilarious, my little one has a preference for sticking her hands in my top and then inside my bra and pulling everything down in order to see my ‘nibbles’. Which in a cafe or post office is a little disconcerting!

  2. DC / Nov 15 2010 9:28 pm

    The precious liddle ones..and bless their cotton socks when they don’t understand your lack of enthusiasm of watching them fly their paper aeroplane for the gazillionth time…
    Just think Fruitloop Mum your backside is on TV and quasi famous..

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