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January 4, 2011 / fruitloopmum

This year….I shall try to act normal

Happy New Year Fruitloopmum fans!

I’ve been AWOL from my blog for several weeks now. Sorry if anyone has missed me (debatable, I know, but hey I am an eternal optimist). The reason is simple…..I have rented myself out and been doing a ‘proper job’ for a few weeks. You know, the type that actually pays money and where you have to pretend to be normal!

So, we’re into the first few days of the New Year, and I bet you’ve all been making those ridiculous New Year resolutions haven’t you? Yep, you know the ones…..I will lose weight, I will quit smoking pot and get fit, I will de-clutter my closet and all that well intended bollocks that makes you feel smug and righteous for at least 4 weeks until you hit mid February when it all goes pear-shaped.

I’ve thought long and hard about what my New Year resolution should be. God knows there’s so much room for improvement in my habits and behaviours that it’s hard to know where to start.

Sure, I really should go on a diet. I caught a glimpse of myself naked in the mirror over Xmas and frightened myself stupid. But then I thought, hey, just get the BF to wear a blindfold during sex. Much easier to keep that habit up, and so much more fun than a diet! The rest of the time I shall just have to wear clothes. Note to self: do however, try not to walk around naked so much, cos it frightens the dog.

Quit smoking pot and get fit? Well, I can’t remember the last time I had pot (no memory cells left see?)  but I do seem to remember that it was quite fun so maybe I should actually take it up again. I do recall though, the side effect of having my head permanently attached to the refrigerator like a pig snuffling for truffles, so on second thoughts, maybe not.

As for getting fit? Well maybe. I haven’t visited the gym in a while or jogged or faffed around doing aerobics. But my amazing intellect has just kicked in..don’t be so silly Fruitloop, you know damn well that full-on athletic sex for an hour is much more your style. It’s a sustainable option and simply has to be extremely good for your heart and lungs cos it leaves you knackered and panting for breath. Huh that takes care of that one!

De-cluttering the closet? Oh please! Life’s too short to live it in an orderly fashion. I actually really enjoy the challenge of opening the closet door with one hand whilst standing well-back with one leg in the air like Bruce Lee to deflect the avalanche of crap that cascades out every time. It’s a sort of competition between me and the closet. We’re at 24-18 this week, and I intend to win!

So, where does that leave me as far as making a New Year resolution that will really have some significance in my life?

Flash of inspiration here!

I’m thinking about my recent foray back into the normal, corporate world. You know where everyone wears black clothes to work and walks around looking like a bulldog chewing a wasp? Nope, dont worry, I refuse to wear black because it wont go with my mischievous smile or my beach thongs. But…..I suppose I could try to act normal just for very short periods.

So if you’re downtown Sydney anytime soon and you happen to share a lift with a woman who un-nerves you by muttering under her breath “Just act normal, just act normal”  check out her feet. If she’s wearing thongs and an odd smile, you should say hi. If she’s not, I suggest you wait for the next elevator cos not everyone is normal you know 🙂

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