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February 1, 2011 / fruitloopmum

Shopping by personality type

Dear Fruitloopmum fans. I have just encountered a brand new way of shopping. Guy’s stick with me here, cos it’s not just some woman’s thing ok? It’s awesome. It’s inspired. Plus, I bloody well wish I had thought of it and sold the idea to retail establishments cos it’s gonna be an absolute CRACKER! And my god, how much fun is this?

…A shopping website where you can browse clothing according to your personality type!

This great little site called Birdsnest.com.au has a ‘shop by body shape’ option among others, but I couldn’t find “blobby” so I clicked onto the ‘shop by personality type’ and some nifty categories popped up:

  • Yummy Mummy
  • Playful Style
  • Designer Attitude
  • Corporate Girl
  • Study Girl
  • Naturally Active
  • Classic Woman
  • Party Mood
  • Yummy Granny

Well, of course, this particular Fruitloopmum had trouble deciding which category I might fit into cos it really depends on the day of the week and whether there’s a full moon. Also, there wasn’t a category for ‘Bo-ho sex siren, funky chick, I’ve lost the plot but hey I’ve remembered where I left the dog, does my face need ironing goddess’….so I didn’t actually find anything that I thought would suit me.

But my Fruitloopmum fans, I reckon you can see where my head is going and the amazing potential for this way of shopping for just about anything. I have to send profuse apologies to my hero Jeremy Clarkson, but I just couldn’t help this one….how about shopping for cars by personality type? We could have:

  • Indecisive Ditherer

A collection of small hatchback’s for people who take their toy poodle for a nice little drive every Sunday and never have an accident (but sure as hell have caused sh*t-loads)

  • Horny Hoon

Anything lowered, with tinted glass, stick-on bits and lots of vents. Only available in dayglo colours or black. Lots of chrome and grunt (and that’s the driver)

  • Penis envy Prick

A collection of expensive sports cars in black or red. Bucket seats, racing steering wheel and only inches from the ground! Only to be sold to old, fat, balding, boring individuals as a topic of conversation (as in, would you like a ride in my Porsche) and no, that’s not sexist cos women can also be fat and balding and consumed with penis envy!

  • God, I look good in this

Expensive saloon cars with leather interiors. Range of colours to suit any outfit. Large range of extras available to accessorise with (you know, like extra-large rear view mirrors for make-up applications at traffic lights)

  • Big and beefy

A collection of 4×4’s, Hummers, utes and trucks. They don’t have to be a great performance drive, just great intimidation vehicles. In fact, not being able to park one is no problem cause you just annihilate ¬†whatever’s in the way. Great for school runs!

So, my brain is racing and I’m sure there’s lots more fun to be had in this vein. Stick a comment in the comment box below with some suggestions and maybe we can collectively start¬†a Fruitloopmum Emporium!

Actually, thinking about it, if I go onto Birdsnest.com.au and buy one item from Corporate Mummy, one from Party Granny and one from Playful Active that should come close to my personality today. Then I’ll wear my cut-downs with thongs and a blazer for the office tomorrow because I simply cant find any retailers offering a personality section for ‘Fruitloop Freelancer’.

Oh, and I’ll drive into work, in my dayglo 4×4 with its tinted windows, sports steering wheel and upholstery that matches my dogs coat…no…sorry, what I mean is, upholstery that mainly consists of dog hair. If you see me applying make-up at the traffic lights, give me a wave!

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