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May 9, 2011 / fruitloopmum

All dark and chocolatey..and no, it’s not a recipe post!

Apologies FLM fans..It’s been a while since my last confession…and I am truly remorseful

…well I’ve missed you all if that counts?

See, in between dealing with psycho’s, making court appearances, international jet-setting, the birth of a grandchild and moving house…well put it this way, Fruitloopmum’s delectable arse has barely touched the ground! However, there appears to be a short respite in the madness and so I wanted to share a small snippet of madness from the last few weeks.

Some of you may recall that I am currently writing a best-selling novel…well, I actually need to finish it before I can hawk it, but anyway….aside from this minor point..This soon to be best-selling novel contains a hot and steamy scene in a restaurant called Dans Le Noir in London. Now, I stumbled upon the existence of this restaurant a few years ago soon after it had opened and it fascinated me. Basically, diners eat in the pitch dark (I’m talking can’t see jack shit) and this sensory deprivation is supposed to enhance alternate senses of taste, smell and hearing…You can see why it appealed to me as a location for a steamy, sexy scene..think “Nine and a Half Weeks” with Kim Bassinger. So, I did my research, included a sexy restaurant scene in the novel, but hadn’t actually experienced it because Dans Le Noir is on the other side of the bloody world!

So, because I am a diligent and brilliant writer, and on the basis that I was going to visit London a few weeks back, I was determined to go and eat in this restaurant. Trouble is…it’s not the sort of place one would fancy going to alone and I really didn’t think my 72-year-old mother would be up for it. Enter my brother who planned to fly into London from Italy to meet up with me for the first time in almost 6 years. I contacted him and floated the idea.

‘Hmmm, sounds a bit kinky to me…I’m not sure Sis’

“Oh come on…it’s run by a blind charity to raise awareness for the blind…”

“Yeah, but I’m not sure it’s somewhere you’d go with your brother ”

“Oh pleeeeese”

“Actually, have just pulled it up on the web…it does look interesting…okay..why not it’ll be something different”

So, after much anticipation I duly booked a table for two, flew into London and my brother and I went to eat at Dans Le Noir. The bar and entrance area is fully lit to enable you to check all your belongings into a locker and read the menu. We both decided to order the surprise menu on the basis that neither of us wanted to chicken out of the full experience. That done, we were led, along with other diners, into a dimly lit corridor where we were placed hand-to-shoulder in a child-like crocodile chain and introduced to Trevor our blind waiter.

‘Now guys, I’m going to lead you into the restaurant and will then take you individually and place you at your chairs. Please remain VERY still until I come to collect you. If you need me at any time, just call my name, and if you need the bathroom just raise your hand” …a bit of a wag was our Trevor

Being led into pitch darkness was totally disconcerting cos I could hear other diners but had no idea where they were or how large the room was. Then my brother was led away to be seated and I stood alone in the dark, feeling very vulnerable. Anyway, that was soon sorted because Trevor came and collected me and plonked me down at our table where he instructed us on how to pour our wine without wearing it.

Funny thing being in the dark in an unfamiliar environment. Sort of breeds a type of camaraderie among the diners. I was aware that I had a man seated immediately to my left at the same table, and so introduced myself. My brother was sitting opposite me and had the man’s girlfriend to his right. Introductions over, and my brother making sure everyone knew we weren’t a couple, the banter started, interspersed by the arrival of our meal. I wont go into detail about the food….you lot will just have to hot-foot it down and buy my book once it’s published…or eat in the restaurant. Anyway, it’s less about the food and more about the experience of eating dans le noir.

So, we get to talking with the couple next to us about visual cues and perceptions…and of course someone says ‘Well, what do you think I look like?”

In turn we each take a guess….I used my guess to feel (sorry, had to be done) the guy to my left. Shoulder was way above tall. His far shoulder was almost my full arm length away…broad. I stopped there for the sake of decency…not sure if my brother did similar to the mans girlfriend…probably not..he’s such a gentleman. So, we all had a guess at height, build, hair colour, age etc and amongst raucous laughter decided to meet up in the bar area after our meal for a coffee and to check who was the most accurate.

Desert was served…and here I will talk a little about the food. Having placed an empty fork into my mouth several times during the course of the meal, I decided that I was going to eat with my fingers. I reckoned that what had been placed before me was chocolate something…I could smell it. So, quietly I dipped my fingers into the little pot and scooped some into my mouth…Mmm chocolate mousse thingy…quite delicious. So I continued to eat with my fingers like a naughty child.

The tall, broad guy next to me leant back in his chair and in a quiet, matter-of-fact voice said

“You know….I find you quite… alluring

WTF??? …Did his girlfriend hear? Was he having a joke?? I put on my dark and sultry voice and whispered…..

“Maybe I’m giving off pheromones or something… you may be in for a bit of a shock later”

Bemused, I continued with my chocolate mousse thingy, licking my fingers and imagining that it was a sure bet that I had a chocolate moustache by now..then my super-sensitive hearing picked up lots of finger sucking. Was there some sort of table orgy going on to which I hadn’t been invited??

“Are YOU eating your desert with your fingers?” I asked my brother

“Yep…I decided to join you!!”


“I am too” came a voice from somewhere behind me

“And me” came another voice from out of the darkness

It would appear that scooping chocolate mousse into ones mouth with ones fingers was the source of the sound effects…no orgy, just bad manners…how boring.

Anyway, meal finished, the lovely Trevor led myself and my brother back out towards the bar. My brother stopped at the men’s room en route and I went and ordered some coffee. Whilst standing at the bar I heard a familiar voice behind me….The girlfriend! I turned to see a pretty, petite brunette of around 22 accompanied by a tall, broad handsome young man who was not much older.

‘Wow! you must be Iliana!

She looked at me..

“Oh my god!! I recognise your voice!”

The tall, dark Adonis next to her just stared at me totally speechless

I’m not sure whether his muteness was due to shock at having found a grandma alluring or the fact that I was sporting the most beautiful dark chocolate moustache.


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