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May 2, 2012 / fruitloopmum

Sexy AND Seductive…..?!

My Man made an observation recently that really put the cat among the pigeons.

See apparently, although I am sexy, I couldn’t pull off seductive if my life depended on it, and  ok, I’ll admit….I GOT JUST A WEE BIT TOUCHY!

COME ON I thought…. It’s me we’re talking about here! I’m sure I can do sexy and seductive…cant I?

He just laughed, smacked my cute backside, but wouldn’t back down.

“BUT IT’S IMPORTANT!!!” I said as I wrestled him to the ground wearing a bustier and stockings laughing. But the bugger still wouldn’t change his mind on the matter…

Fast forward a few days, and the question has been the subject of much angst for me, and hilarity for my friends who I turned to for some moral support. Here’s what I got back….

A huge cheesy smile and rolling of the eyes: “Nah, you’d be the girl who mid sexy strip would get tangled in your knickers or get your bra stuck on your head”

Then I got giggles, sideways glances and “Oh come on Fruitloopmum, you’re Jamie Lee Curtis doing the strip scene in True Lies…you know when she falls over!”

Followed by a confirmed Fruitloopmum fan giving an incredulous gawf  “Urm, didn’t you do a post a while back about your man rolling about laughing when you tried to do seduction in a bustier and high heels?”

So now, I’m crestfallen, distraught even!

…it’s bloody obvious that I’m not going to get any back-up from my friends, who know me too well bless them. Trouble is, thinking back, it’s not the first time that this kinda observation has been made about me, so I suppose there’s more than an element of truth in the comment after all.

In fact today, whilst discussing the subject and really clutching at straws, I had to admit to a girlfriend that I recently looked down during a really steamy moment and wondered why I appeared to have bows and ribbons hanging from my arse.

Then I realised.

In my haste to try seduction, I’d put my bustier on….upside down. I don’t think my man noticed…..but I had to do my best to stifle some inappropriate  giggles over my beribboned arse.

She smiled, and tried to make me feel better “Don’t worry, you know how I rarely wear a dress? well, on my way home from your party wearing that long cocktail dress that looked soooooo hot…..”

(and it’s true, she did look awesome) “Yes?”

“I tucked it into my knickers…..cos otherwise I couldn’t cycle home!”

Well, it did make me feel a bit better to think of her with that sexy long dress tucked into her knickers, peddling furiously home along the main road…cos that’s exactly the sort of thing that I would do….

See, I reckon that in order to be seductive you simply have to have a modicum of co-ordination and be able to take yourself seriously enough to keep a straight face. And let’s face it, I can do neither!!

So, although I may be sexy, it looks like I’m probably gonna have to concede that I just can’t pull off seductive no matter how hard I try. Well, not unless you find seduction circus-style a turn-on.

Anyways, I have had a comforting thought.

It’s for the best.

Because if  EVER, by some miracle of chance, I do manage to master both sexy AND seductive…who the hell would be able to cope with me huh???

One Comment

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  1. mojitoqueen / May 2 2012 2:53 pm

    Too funny – and i recognise myself in this one, and some of those other dubious characters!!! Everyone needs a fruitloopmum friend to laugh with, laugh at or connive with. Like any pirate, i look forward to the next bountiful tale……….

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