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July 11, 2012 / fruitloopmum

Blow-torches, Bananas and Burning Dogs

Now, I’ve been the very grateful recipient of some weird and wonderful presents in the past.

Think beauty masks laden with extract of sheep’s umbilical cord….. sent by a girlfriend who was concerned that I looked a bit peaky, a blow-torch from the boyfriend…..cos I admitted to being a bit of a pyromaniac, a granny-style slanket (blanket with armholes….dont ask) and even a handy, dandy mini vibrator as a housewarming gift……all from people who love me and KNOW EXACTLY WHAT I NEED!!!

But yesterday I was the recipient of…..


A gorgeous girlfriend sent them to me. They arrived last night at 10.30 apparently, although I didn’t actually see them arrive.

But, I did open the door and let them in and bid them welcome as instructed….along with lighting a candle and some other weird rituals that I wont go into. Well, other than to say that I’m glad no one was actually around to witness me standing on one leg and chanting whilst holding fruit…

Anyway, apparently a bunch of angels is exactly what I need.

It figures.

See, my friends reckon that I need to be surrounded by goodness and light to counteract and protect me from the evil crap that  is “essence of psycho”  Funny that, cos sometimes I actually do envisage a sort of putrid cloud that sneaks up and follows me around, usually I blame it on the dog. Speaking of which…slight tangent here….

The last time my quirky friends talked me into banishing negative energy and cleansing my space of all things evil, I managed to set light to the dog. Well, actually it was the burning white sage embers that fell on his tail as he wandered around the room behind me whilst I waved and wafted smoking herbs in the air……I didn’t inhale tho promise !! (the smell of burning sage and dog hair cleared the room nicely for about two days too cos no one dared enter for fear of asphyxiation)

Anyway, back to the point.

I have an open mind about such things (angels, not smouldering dogs) and this latest gift is very gratefully received. I mean, it’s quite a nice comforting thought to envisage angels bringing peace and protection to my home and family. Actually, right now I’m envisaging a bloody great avenging angel with a six-pack swinging a sword in my lounge…….Oh Yeah!! …..probably not the sort of angel she meant tho.

So, THANKS Gorgeous Girlfriend!

I pretty sure I need a lot more practice at this “new age” stuff tho, cos it’s obvious that a little bit of knowledge can be a dangerous thing (especially in the hands of a Fruitloop)

Oh yes, and I need to ask……

WTF am I supposed to do with the fruit NOW?

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