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December 19, 2012 / fruitloopmum

Fruitloopmum’s Xmas Recipe

Christmas Champagne Cake

Seasons greetings Fruitloopmum fans! This cake is an absolute must for Christmas…..

Ingredients: 1 cup sugar, half pound butter, 1 tsp baking powder, 1 cup water, 1 tsp salt , 1 cup brown sugar, lemon juice, 4 large eggs, nuts, 2 bottles good quality champagne , 2 cups dried fruit, 4 cups self-raising flour. Method: Sample a glass of champagne to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the champagne again to be sure it is of the highest quality then repeat. Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add 1 teaspoon of sugar, measure it very, very accurately but use a big teaspoon, not one of them tiny bastards. Beat again. At this point, it is best to make sure the Champagne is still ok. Try another glass just in case.

Turn off the mixerer thingy. Break 2 eggs and add to the bowl and chuck in a shit-load of the dried fruit. Pick the fruit up off the floor, wash it and put it in the bowl a piece at a time trying to count it. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers, just pry it loose with a drewscriver,  Sample the champagne to test for tonsisticity.
Next, sift 2 cups of salt, or some other white powdery crap, dussnt matter. Check the champagne. Now shit shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find. Greash the oven. Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over. Don’t forget to beat off the turner. Finally, throw the bowl through the fekkin window.
Finish of the champagne and wipe the counter with the fekin dog . 
Much love to my gorgeous girlfriend who has tested and perfected this recipe and Merry Frikkin Christmas to you one and all!

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