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January 3, 2013 / fruitloopmum

2013…..It’s all about ME Sweetie!

Ab-Fab

It’s not the first time the similarities between Fruitloopmum, her Bestie and the AbFab girls have been observed. Here’s the scene at dawn in Sydney on New Years Day 2013….

Patsy wakes because her bladder is fit to burst. A comatose Ed sleeps adjacent beneath a white sheet, making the back of the black station wagon look even more like a bleedin hearse. Pats rips the sheet from Eds slumbering form to cover her arse as the street-sweeping truck passes….

So began 2013.

See? This is what happens when you put a couple of very cute, incredibly sexy, freshly-single women together with a bucket of Mojitos on New Years Eve….and they very sensibly decide not to drive but sleep in the car.

So, we clamber into the front, find the keys,our underwear and purses and drive to the nearest McDonalds….on the basis that we can’t possibly knock on the front door of the lady whose driveway we were blocking and demand to use her toilet….

Ed puts her underwear back on in Macca’s car park and we saunter into the restaurant which is surprisingly busy with young teenagers at 6.30am.
“Act nonchalant Pats, cos they wont much like us coming in just to use their bathroom”
” OK sweetie, how’s my hair?”
” Like a friggin rats nest after a cyclone, but if we’re quick, no one will notice us”

Yeah, right….

The look on diners faces as we slinked between tables towards the bathroom at the back resembled a stunned audience at their first ever crap-your-pants horror movie. Burgers stopped before they reached lips, coffee was spilled down fronts and I swear, one poor startled girl’s mouth was open in a silent scream. I gave her my best reassuring grin but it didn’t improve things.

Anyways, after the living dead’s visit to McDonalds, we hit the road in quiet contemplation. Or maybe it was the hangovers and the realisation that we are so bleeding old and life is so bloody short.

“So, what’s your new year’s resolution then Pats?”

” Well, after broken hearts, toxic relationships and shovelling so much crap in 2012, I think we should make a pact that unless something enriches or enhances our lives, we should LET IT GO!”

“Oooooooh yeah, we’ll ONLY do positive empowering stuff….and cut down on the ciggies….and the alcohol”

“Well, maybe the ciggies, but NOT the Bolly sweetie….we’re far too old for cold turkey”

“OK, it’s a deal. 2013 will be all about ME (well us)
…….pass a ciggie”

So after careful deliberation I can announce that the Aussie equivalent of Patsy and Eddie are taking no prisoners in 2013.

Now THAT is enough to scare the crap outta anyone.

Well until we become enlightened and focus on world peace and free love courtesy of Pats taking up meditation!

HAPPY NEW YEAR FRUITLOOPMUM FANS XXX

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